2010: Obama announces Auto Reform

Obama car (price as shown with optional teleprompters and decal: $37,999).

Having fixed health care, Democrats will now move to the next frontier: making driving safer and more affordable. The goals for Auto Reform parallel those of the hugely popular health care legislation – increase benefits, reduce costs, redistribute wealth, create jobs, reduce the deficit, centralize power, secure world peace and save the planet.
The media has their demonization plan ready to launch: oil company excesses, fatal crashes involving SUVs and Southerners driving pickups running over squirrels by the scores. Hollywood plans to release Return to Avatar, where tall skinny half-nude blue people make human drivers look like idiots, this time in 4D, where smelly black soot sprays onto the audience every time a corporate or military human opens his mouth.
The Obama plan calls for government-run GM to manufacture millions of fuel efficient cars, one model in your choice of pinko or baby blue. Americans won’t be forced to buy the car, named the Hugo, but a combination of taxes, regulations and subsidies will ensure that it will cost at least 40% less than any other make. (PC police insist that Hugo be pronounced hug-“O" to show allegiance to the first world president.)
All adults, regardless of citizenship, will be entitled to zero-down, zero-percent, zero-payments financing through Vinnie Mae, a government financing program designed by Barney Rubble Frank.
The program will be funded by setting up ten-mile check points on all streets and highways. Gatekeepers will interview drivers to determine if their pre-registered “trip plan” is politically correct and green. School children will affix Obama stickers to each bumper at the stop. $3 per stop fees will fund government alternative-fuel stations constructed next to existing post office branches. ACORN workers will staff the booths and stations under the leadership of the SEIU and TSA.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Barbara Boxer pledge to pass the legislation by May Day without reading or understanding a single provision of the 4,174-page bill. All drivers with jobs will pay into a trillion-dollar public option car insurance fund administered by the trial lawyers association, which will base awards on means testing.
In announcing his plan, President Obama said (sans teleprompter): “When I took office, millions of my Americans could not afford cars… Let me pause to give a shout out to George Clooney and Katie Couric for standing with me… I will fix the appalling injustices of the previous administration because I represent hoax and chains, I mean hope and change.”